Enjoy!
Deadpool’s the best superhero film to release since The Avengers! And it’s not even really a superhero film according to its protagonist…so, I guess it’s just a really good film then?
Well that doesn’t sound very impressive.
Ok, how about, “the best film to feature superheroes since The Avengers.” Yeah, that sounds more impressive right?
Or, I could call it, “the best superhero-ish film to say fuck a lot and feature bare tits.” Cause that happens. Sure, it may be the only superhero-ish film to do that, but who’s counting? I’m not counting!
…Anyway, where should I begin? Hmm…
(scrolls through notes taken)
Ah! Ok, so here I write how Deadpool breaks the 4th wall a lot—well, it doesn’t so much break it, as it more blows it up, gets 500 workers to reconstruct the wall over a 2 year contract span, and then blows it up again.
Deadpool blatantly references: the viewing audience, Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern, Hugh Jackman, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, Deadpool’s Script, Ryan Reynolds again, The Marvel Cinematic Universe, Ryan Reynolds’ original, shitty Deadpool from X-Men Origins, Batman, and even Alfred (who is compared to a blind cocaine addict).
In one scene, Colossus…oh shit, did I forget to summarize the plot!? Um, ok, real quick here:
So there’s this guy, named Wade Wilson, who falls in love with this prostitute, but then gets cancer almost everywhere important on his body, so he leaves to get treatment at this skeptical organization, that, turns out to be completely evil and begins experimenting on him, that, in turn, makes Wade immortal, but also super ugly (and I mean really ugly), so he decides to get revenge on this guy named Francis, who was the guy who experimented on him, but then Vanessa gets kidnapped—who, by the way, is Wade’s lover—and Wade, now called C̶a̶p̶t̶a̶i̶n̶ Deadpool, goes to save her plus get revenge while, also, bringing with him two X-men named Negasonic Teenage Warhead T̶u̶r̶t̶l̶e̶, and Colossus. Which brings us back to the present.
In one scene, Colossus demands they go see the professor, to which Deadpool asks, “Which professor? McAvoy? Stewart? These timelines are so confusing.” In another scene, Wade’s comedic sidekick hands him a calling card from a sinister-looking man, “That guy over there is looking for you—real grim reaper-like. I don’t know, he might further the plot more.” While there’s sadly no conflicting inner monologues in the film version, Deadpool does talk to the audience a lot, including one epic scene where he talks to the viewers about a flashback, only for his flashback version to additionally address the viewers, “Holy shit! 4th wall break within 4th wall break. That’s like 16 walls!”
Deadpool’s R-rating is not for show ladies and gentlemen: this film is crude, layered with creamy dark comedy, completely, politically incorrect, and hilariously awesome. When Wade and Vanessa first meet, they play a fun game of who’s had the worse childhood, that includes mentioning getting molested, living in a dishwasher box, and watching clown porn…they hit off instantly. The film goes through a montage of the two having sex during various holidays, including: Valentine’s Day (regular fucking), Thanksgiving (eating while fucking), Lent (not fucking at all), Halloween (going down with plastic vampire fangs), and International Women’s Day (reversing the doggy style position…and adding a strap-on).
Death is frequent and brutal in Deadpool (who would have guessed!?), repeatedly thanks to our friendly neighborhood protagonist, who continuously finds unique and creative ways to kill off the baddies—such as when riding a freaking Zamboni towards an injured henchmen, laughing maniacally, “You’re going to die…in 5 minutes.” There’s even one kill which Deadpool decides is just too ghastly for the audience, and courteously turns the camera away towards the sight of bystanders reacting in horror (what a true gentleman). I take back what I said earlier: Deadpool isn’t always politically incorrect—in fact, it can be downright political correctness gone mad (emphasis on the mad part). There’s one hilarious scene where Deadpool struggles on how to fight two female henchmen, “Is it sexist to hit you? Is it more sexist to not hit you!?” before deciding to go the old bullet in the face approach (undoubtedly, the best politically correct method when it comes to murdering either gender).
Remember those bare tits I mentioned earlier? Well they appear in a strip club, where Stan Lee makes a cameo as its MC. Seriously, can there be a better cameo than that!? Perhaps if Stan Lee was an actual stripper!...no, no that’s just crazy talk…or is it!?
And now comes the part of the review where I talk about all the serious aspects of Deadpool, such as how it’s surprisingly sweet at times, features some of the best romantic chemistry in a superh̶e̶r̶o̶ film, and how Ryan Reynolds can be effectively emotional when neeBlah, blah, blah (go back to talking about the tits and murdering!) I will write with 100% certainty that I did not expect Deadpool to have a well-made crying scene, let alone it coming from Deadpool himself. The emotion scenes work, however, without spoiling the film’s “charming” dark comedy. The flashback system used is a feature I always prefer with origin stories, successfully balancing the action sequences with Deadpool’s backstory. The film’s generic, British antagonist works effectively, for once, as a constant source of comedic gags for Deadpool, especially with his name being Francis.
Deadpool is a blast, Deadpool is unique, Deadpool is Deadpool (what a brilliant writer me am!) There’s never been a film—that features superheroes—like it before, and there won’t be another until Fox begins cash cowing the series with a sequel every 1-3 years (say goodbye to freshness!).
Well, that’s it. The review’s over!...you can leave now.
…just kidding! Here’s a sneak peek at my next review, 10 Cloverfield Lane:
“10 Cloverfield Lane is”
Hope you enjoyed that sneak peek!!! Now seriously, get the fuck out.
