The story focuses on Dean (Ryan Gosling) and Cindy (Michelle Williams)—five years into a deteriorating marriage with a young daughter named Frankie (Faith Wladyka). Dean is a high school dropout, Blue-collar worker. He’s unkempt, smokes cigarettes, and drinks constantly (including when driving). Dean is notably tenderhearted, however, open with his emotions and possessing an overall kind nature. These traits shine brightest around his daughter, who he loves immensely and goofs off with much to Cindy’s dismay (in one scene Dean gets Frankie to eat like a Leopard—when Cindy scolds Frankie for such behavior the daughter adorably states; “Daddy, you made me in trouble!”). Cindy is a college grad nurse, working hard to eventually become a doctor. She too has a good heart, though more reserved than Dean with expressing her feelings. After a tragic incident where the family’s dog is found dead by the highway (both parents cry from the event at different times), Dean plans a getaway for the couple at a love motel while Frankie—unaware of the dog’s fate—spends time at her grandfather’s house.
These present events are cut up by flashbacks of the couple’s past, giving light into their meeting and how they got to such point in life. The film regularly contrasts the current passive-aggressive relationship between Dean and Cindy with flashbacks of their romantic first interactions. The story’s nonlinear approach leaves the audience without all the necessary pieces initially, only to reveal events that explain previous character actions. For example, when driving to the motel, Cindy runs into a past male acquaintance while doing a liquor run. When she tells Dean about the meeting, he gets highly agitated and upset for unexplained reasons. The remaining film then pieces the audience in on who the man is and why Dean is understandably restless by the encounter. In a way, such storytelling turns the plot into a mystery for the audience, gradually giving clues via flashbacks as to why current day events happened and characters acted in such a manner. It gives what would have been an otherwise solid romance-drama a peg up in unpredictability and flair that leaves a very satisfying feeling once everything has been revealed.
As one may expect from my opening sentence, things don’t go well at the love motel. Once arriving, Dean tries creating a fun atmosphere after their tense car ride, but Cindy is having none of it; “I thought the whole point of coming here was to have a night without kids.” The “Future Room” Dean reserves has no windows and is, instead, illuminated by melancholy blue lighting that encompasses the couple and their mood. There’s a scene where the couple eat dinner in their quiet room. Cindy tries bringing up ambitions with Dean, but he rebuffs the conversation’s direction.
Cindy: I’d like to see you have a job where you didn’t have to start drinking at eight o’clock in the morning to go to it.
Dean: No, I have a job that I can drink at eight o’clock in the morning. What a luxury, you know?
Cindy: …We rarely sit down and have an adult conversation because every time we do... you take what I say and turn it around into something that I didn't mean. You just... twist it. Start blabbing. Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.
In a flashback, the audience sees Dean and Cindy on their first date. It’s an enjoyable section as a livelier, quirkier Cindy tells a black comedy joke (the joke causes Dean to shake his head but got a good laugh out of me) and shows off her “hidden talent” of reciting all the presidents in order. Dean then adorkably sings a song on his ukulele as Cindy dances in a frivolous fashion. It’s a sweet, endearing scene, effective in capturing the spark the pair had in the beginning. The song Dean plays—You Always Hurt The One You Love—however, foreshadows what is to come for them in the future.
MAJOR SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT ONWARD:
Back in the motel, there are moments where the spark almost seems to reunite as the pair laugh, playfully wrestle, and get giddily drunk together. Then Dean mentions wanting to have another baby and everything falls apart. The film will eventually reveal that Cindy had gotten pregnant with her past boyfriend and that Dean—even after hearing it wasn’t his—chose to stay and support her. “Let’s do it. Let’s be a family.” Dean tells Cindy, and for the time it seemed the right choice for her. Cindy grew up in a dysfunctional family—"I don’t ever want to be like my parents. I know they must have loved each other at one time, right?"—and it affected her significantly as it would most people. Her grandma warns to be careful that the one Cindy falls in love with is worth it, and Dean seems to be that person. He’s funny, passionate, supportive, and more than willing to raise someone else’s child as his own.
The tragedy here is Dean still retains these aspects five years later. He hasn’t lost them over time or shed them to reveal some villainous side underneath. Sure, Dean’s alcoholism is certainly a very negative trait, but from what is seen, it never affects his relationship with Frankie. He is constantly there for his child, goofing around, going to her recitals, being there when she needs him. He loves her immensely, with no signs of abuse or violence towards her. The alcoholism does affect his relationship with Cindy, but it’s merely elevating the true origin issue between them: long-term incompatibility. There’s no villain in this marriage—just two, three-dimensional humans who jumped into a commitment despite barely knowing each other and took five years to realize their paths in life weren’t meant to stay permanently connected.
The two have differing goals for life and differing desires for each other. Cindy wants Dean to move up in the world and follow ambitions he doesn’t have. Dean wants Cindy to be his baby mama and create a larger family that she does not want. Dean’s mention of wanting another baby shakes Cindy back into reality—the reality that her future is with Dean, a man her spark is fading for and who she believes is weighing her down from her own ambitions and dreams. She begins rejecting Dean’s attempts at seduction in an eerily silent, aggressive manner by yanking his head back by his hair. The scene becomes incredibly uncomfortable to watch as Dean pulls the “wifely duties” line and Cindy—who continuously switches from expressionless to a painful look—simply takes off her undergarments and gives in. Dean, however, can’t have such kind of sex. He doesn’t want just the sex, he wants Cindy—the woman he fell in love with, not a robotic sex doll. Yet that’s something he cannot have, for Cindy no longer shares such mutual feelings. The scene is powerful and made all the more tragic when the film flashbacks to the first time the couple made love—then full of mutual passion and affection.
Blue Valentine hits its climax when Dean and Cindy’s passive aggressiveness turns full-on aggressive as the pair release all their built-up resentment and anger towards each other. The scene is set up when an on-call Cindy leaves the motel to her work without her passed out husband. Once awake, Dean is irate at Cindy’s departure and, after a fair consumption of alcohol, heads to her workplace to give a piece of his mind. The encounter immediately starts off bad and grows into an explosive feud of verbal and physical rage. The scene is expressive, engaging, and intense, concluding with Dean punching Cindy’s superior when he tries intervening and Cindy furiously hitting him and shouting that she wants a divorce. It’s the point of no return for the couple, leading to the film’s conclusion where they somberly discuss separation.
What about Frankie?” Dean asks during the discussion, “You want her to grow up in a broken home?” “I don’t want her to grow up in a home where her parents treat each other like this.” Cindy responds. Both make solid points, there really is no right answer in this situation—no correct solution that will make everyone involved happy. To effectively stay together would require a ton of effort on both parties’s part to properly communicate, compromise, and understand each other’s feelings—areas Dean and Cindy show little promise at working or improving on. Staying together then would likely put Frankie in a similar traumatizing household that Cindy experienced (and Cindy wants nothing more than for her daughter to never experience this). Yet to split up is similarly not without its future traumas for Frankie. That’s the tragedy of languishing marriages and divorce when children are involved—it’s a dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t situation. Blue Valentine offers a potent, cautionary tale about not jumping too hastily into a permanent commitment, to think things through, and to be more thoughtful about the future and of others before it’s too late.
Very nice narration of the story and the plot
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