Pick up a knife. Pick up a knife. Pick up a knife.
She’s deaf and mute, stuck in an secluded cabin without electricity or a phone, and being toyed with by a psychotic killer. What is she going to do!? Pretty much everything she shouldn’t.
Pick up a knife. Pick up a knife. Pick up a knife.
Hush, a Netflix original film, might not be winning, but is certainly in the running for the most incompetent horror protagonist. Hush’s main character Maddie (Kate Siegel) is dumb—and I don’t mean dumb in the offensive mute sense, I mean she’s an actual moron.
Pick up a knife! Pick up a knife! Pick up a knife!
Maddie’s like a Bizarro version of Michelle from 10 Cloverfield Lane: not an ounce of common survival sense within her. The only reason she avoids being easily slaughtered is because the killer (John Gallagher Jr., who is actually in 10 Cloverfield Lane—funny how he keeps appearing in minimal cast films) suffers from Bond villain stupidity: psychologically messing with her and, thereby, leaving plenty of counter opportunities—opportunities Maddie squanders again and again!
PICK UP A KNIFE! PICK UP A KNIFE! PICK UP A KNIFE!!!
Perhaps you’re wondering why I keep repeating “pick up a knife”? Because it was all I kept saying—and during the latter half, shouting—while watching the film. It takes Maddie around ten minutes into noticing the MASKED, ARMED PSYCHO lurking outside to actually go to her kitchen (which is only five feet from where she was panicking) and grab a kitchen knife. For most people, arming themselves when a deranged killer is lurking the premise would usually be the first or second thing done (possibly after calling for help and/or locking the doors)—for Maddie it’s around the twentieth thing, after staring at the killer for a while and trying to reason with him (psychos always listen to reason). Though, perhaps I’m being a bit harsh—surely people can make mistakes when terrified. What’s important is she eventually picked up a kni…oh wait, she drops it two minutes later for no practical reason, and then doesn't pick it up—nor grab another one—until the final scene. I must have shouted at least thirty times at the TV, hoping, by some insane logic, Maddie would hear my pleas and PICK UP A F@#%ING KNIFE!!!
The worst part is there are so many missed opportunities where the killer leaves himself wide open for a stab wound: whether it be through the window, standing on the porch, or climbing onto the rooftop. Yet all knife-less Maddie can do in these scenes is hide, inflict minor injuries (using kicks or a small hammer, which aren’t nearly as effective as a knife to the face), or get injured trying to awkwardly escape. Why would a deaf person ever try to run away—through a vast, isolated forest at night—against a man who is definitely faster (not to mention stronger) than her, armed with a knife and crossbow, fairly accurate with said crossbow, and has the clear advantage when it comes to sound!? Why not lock herself in the bathroom, with a weapon or two (knife, hammer, wasp spray—all things she owns in the film), and wait him out. If he tries to break through the door or window, Maddie can stab, smash or spray him with as much aggressiveness as she can muster. There still a chance he’ll win, but there’s also a chance someone may show up—and, in fact, someone DOES show up: a bulky cabin man (Michael Trucco) who ends up being the film’s most competent character.
The man quickly sees through the killer’s “cop ruse” and bashes him with a stone!...or he would have had Maddie not distracted him during the definitive moment—allowing the killer to get a quick neck stab in. Maddie is such an incompetent protagonist, she ends up getting the only competent character killed; and yet, even a neck stab isn’t enough to down the film’s true hero—tackling the killer despite bleeding out, momentarily pinning the psycho down. Maddie, for once making a rational decision, takes advantage of the killer’s temporary incapacity, goes out with a knife, and stabs him through the head…OR she may have sat down for several minutes to come up with some POSSIBLE strategy for taking out the killer. Not sure which one happened—by that point I was way checked out of the film—but I’d like to believe it was the former...a man can dream, can’t he.
Hush takes an interesting premise and completely butchers it. Maddie is an infuriating protagonist and an absolute idiot; the killer gloats far too much—which leads to his fairly pathetic downfall—in addition to losing the fear factor (early on) after removing his mask. The only competent—not to mention likable—character is, of course, killed by the protagonist’s own stupidity. If there’s one thing to take from watching Hush, it’s when faced with a dangerous intruder, to lock your doors, phone for help, and PICK, UP, A, KNIFE!
