Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a review of 2015’s worst remake!
The original Poltergeist was a blockbuster hit for good reason. The 1982 film is highly creative and fully energized—at times it’s unexpectedly wondrous (the magic of having Steven Spielberg write and produce), while more often it’s enjoyably freaky. The film possesses a large cast of unique and very likable characters, with many subverting common supernatural tropes from the 70s and 80s. Where it lacks in pure scares, the original makes up for with an unsettlingly vivid imagination and thrilling entertainment. The remake, if anything, is an example of how one can go about retelling a story while completely diluting every possible aspect of the original.
While the remake likewise lacks in pure scares, it also lacks in everything else possible. 2015 Poltergeist is one of the most boring horror films I’ve ever seen. Nothing in the film is freaky, disturbing or even remotely unnerving. One could show this film to a toddler and they’d probably fall asleep through it. Disturbing scenes from the original, such as the face pealing scene and skin colored meat walls, have been insipidly replaced with generic black goo and lifeless (not in the creepy way) CGI demons. The plot has been dumbed-down considerably: characters live by modern horror tropes and are far less unique and likable, to the point where one has been changed from supportive victim to incompetent jerkass. All the iconic scenes are either missing or poorly executed, while the entire wandering spirit subplot (which allowed for most of the original’s wondrous scenes) has been omitted for a more straightforward “fighting evil demons” plot (guess the producers thought wonderment wouldn’t be hip with the teens). The only superior change is the explanation as to why the creepy clown toy is in their house, as it never made sense in the original why the boy would keep such an incredibly disturbing figure (one which he openly admits to hating) at the foot of his bed.
The Poltergeist remake is in every way (save for the clown explanation) inferior to the original film, in addition to most horror films of the 2010s. The characters are dull, the scares are dull, the plot is dull—dull, dull, DULL! There’s absolutely no reason for this film to exist, unless used as an example of what NOT to do when making a horror film, remake, or horror remake.
