Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Big Eyes (Film Review)

On March 2, 2012, for the first time in my life, I walked out of a movie before it finished.  Project X was its name, and to this day consider it one of the most repugnant, offensive and distasteful films I've ever had the displeasure of viewing (though “film” is an awfully strong word to describe such garbage).  The film made me feel physically sick, and I nearly threw up in the bathroom after evacuating 30 minutes before the end.  I had hoped to never experience such agony again in theaters, though being a film reviewer I anticipated the inevitable; such misfortune occurred with Tim Burton‘s newest addition Big Eyes, which has the dishonor of being the second film I've walked out on (first since I've begun writing this blog).  Burton’s films have always been a mixed bag; I despise with a passion his original Batman, yet consider Batman Returns one of the finest superhero films ever created.  I hold high regard for his masterwork Ed Wood, but consider Mars Attacks one of the worst films ever created!  Now Big Eyes joins Mars Attacks as one of Burton’s biggest stinkers to ever see the light of day.  I may despise The Legend of Hercules, but in its awfulness there’s some semblance of unintentional humor in simply how bad it is…here, Big Eyes doesn't have the decency for any such pity. 

Big Eyes is the most infuriatingly boring film I've seen all year!  The film is based on a true story about husband Walter Keane (Christoph Waltz) who uses his wife Margret’s (Amy Adams) art work to propel his own success, all while manipulating her in the shadows.  Big Eyes' plot is fairly standard (particularly for a Burton film), but in a world struggling with gender equality, "some stories need to be told" doesn't mean the story needs to be told in such an incredibly tedious manner!  The film’s entire plot is grasped within 10 minutes, its theme understood by the first scene.  Misogyny is bad; I completely agree.  Women can be just as artistic and influential as men; I completely agree.  Be honest with yourself and others; I once again agree.  These concepts are overstated all before the first act ends, yet the film continues, and continues, and CONTINUES stressing these same concepts way beyond the point of wearing.  Big Eyes is incredibly bland and predictable, like a broken record repeating the same song every 5 minutes.  No new ideas are brought to the rest of the film, no other perspectives, no different techniques; just an hour and 45 minutes of the same heavy-handed themes told entirely through straightforward plot and style.  Nothing here resembles a Burton film with the exception of a single scene and the film's unusual color scheme (using bright and vibrant colors of blue, pink, white and green as eye candy to try and masquerade the film’s monotony).

What’s worse, however, is the character representing its themes Margaret Keane; a protagonist so bland and one-dimensional, even the bit characters overshadow her entirely.  The issue here isn't whether Adams is accurately portraying Keane's personality, but rather stems in the lack of character development outside the film’s heavy-handed morals.  Keane's role is simply a flat character used purely to emphasize how misogyny can negatively affect women’s success.  Each new scene outdoes the previous in showing how rotten her life’s become thanks to her manipulative, wicked husband (along with the male-dominated world they live in), all to build up the last 20 minutes where she finally breaks free and stands up against Walter.  She possesses the same qualities as a Lifetime movie character; there’s nothing interesting about her, no compelling backstory, no unique thought process into how she paints (except for some brief remarks which could be said by any artist) and no personality trait to leave a viewer impressed.  The same can apply to Walter Keane, whose sole purpose is for viewers to gradually hate as he’s progressively revealed as a one-dimensional villain.  It’s important to note both Waltz and Adams deliver solid performances here; the acting isn't Big Eyes’ problem, it’s the characters themselves.  They aren't even characters really, they’re tools used to fulfill the film’s lessons.  Even when considering them tools, Waltz’s character is far more entertaining to watch than Adams.  It’s truly a sad day when a film focuses heavily on antisexist ideals, yet has its female protagonist completely outshined by the one-dimensional male villain.

I left the theater around the last 20 minutes, which according to my friend dealt with the court case between Margaret and Walter (unsurprisingly, Margaret won through a painting contest); yet even by the film’s hour mark I had already lost all caring for the plot.  The only aspect I did enjoy was the art critic (Terence Stamp), whose wit and surprisingly tough nature made me chuckle (he stops Walter from impaling him with one hand and an awesomely stoic expression).  Yet his appearances last less than a minute, with the rest of Big Eyes being nothing more than a flat-out boring, stale film completely dry of humor.  Its characters are flat and dull, its plot is predictable and heavy-handed, and any semblance of drama is entirely over-the-top unconvincing.  It fails to be interesting, it fails to be compelling, and it fails to be tolerable.  There’s nothing funny about its staleness, it’s simply one of the dullest, most infuriating films I've ever had the misfortune of seeing.

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