So it’s come to the end of the 2013 and the beginning of a new year; a time where people create end of the year lists celebrating the best, and bashing the worst. Of course when it comes to lists opinions vary and emotions can run wild if one’s favorite movie ends up on one’s worst of list (it always happens). So I find it important to express these three statements before making a worst of list:
- Simply put, these are my opinions. You may agree or disagree with them, but they’re not meant to symbolize some sort of ultimate decision or universal agreement. They’re solely my least enjoyed films of the 2013; the ones that are on the bottom of the barrel for me.
- That being said, I do not hold contempt for others who like or even love the films on this list. Your opinion is as much valid as mine; if my number one hated film of 2013 happens to be your favorite, it doesn't mean one of us is in the wrong. We may disagree with one another’s reasoning, but that doesn't make either of our opinions any less valid.
- Finally, I do not actively seek out films with overwhelmingly negative reviews, and as such miss a good portion of the true disasters. As such the majority of films I've ended up disliking were either movies that: a) initially interested me or my fiancée (despite poor reviews) b) were blockbuster films that everyone was going to see c) were films that received critical acclaim but I just differed in opinion on. If a film you thought was awful doesn't appear on this list, there's a possibility I decided to avoid seeing it.
Remember these three things when reading my list. But why top 7? Well if you double 7, you get 14… as in 2014…get it…I know it’s dumb, NOW ONTO THE WORST!!!
#7: The Purge
Underwhelming, unsatisfying, and not making a lick of common sense; The Purge takes an interesting concept and completely butchers it. It fails as both a horror and exploitation film that even a lively audience couldn't help energize.
#6: Admission
What could have been a fun comedy ends up focusing too much on drama for its own good; sapping up all the energy, laughter, and likable characters in exchange for an unbearably forced romance and an unsatisfying plot conclusion that will just make you shake your head. Admission screws up its comedy, fails as a romance, and utterly bombs at exploring the issues with education.
#5: Beautiful Creatures
Oh for the love of acting, those “southern” accents! Make them stop!!! If atrociously fake (at least I hope they’re fake) southern accents "ain't" enough to drive you away from watching Beautiful Creatures then the plot sure will. The extraordinarily frustrating romance fantasy has our main character do absolutely nothing and get pushed around by horrible people for about 95% of the film…and those accents; I think my ears are bleeding from just thinking about them…
#4: Elysium
So take a basic, overused sci-fi plot; fill it with clichéd, one dimensional anti-heroes, villains and “rich people who are apparently all the equivalent of Mr. Burns”. Add a politically correct allegory to symbolize present day class systems; have it make NO SENSE within its futuristic setting. Then mix it all up with at least a dozen plot holes and you’ll have yourselves one mess of a film called Elysium.
#3: Safe Haven
So you know everything bad, clichéd, and overused from Nicolas Sparks’ romance-dramas? Take all that and multiply it by two; you’ll end up with a piece of crap called Safe Haven. A film where no romance is too formulaic, no villain too one dimensional and no plot twist to absurd to use!
#2: Man of Steel
I wrote over 1500 words on why this film is an absolute disaster; breaking every problem in Man of Steel down to near nit-picking levels. After writing that I’m pretty much done discussing it; I thought it was a bad film, it’s my opinion not yours, let’s move on. I was certain that Man of Steel would end up being my number one hated, but as it turns out there’s one other film waiting that ended up grabbing the worst spot.
#1: Upstream Color
If you understood the plot to this film, congrats, so did I. If you understood what the director was going for, good for you, I eventually did. If you enjoyed this film, I envy you, because I sure as hell didn't. Upstream Color has got to be one of the most pretentious films I've ever seen! The film treats every little issue with such overblown importance and prominence; yet the events never feel that they deserve them, nor does the plot live up to the expectations given. Upstream Color is incredibly boring, completely unenjoyable, preposterously overblown and my most hated film of 2013.
