Out of all the films I saw in theaters that year, only three left a memorable impression on me: Inception, Toy Story 3, and The Kids Are All Right. The latter film and my focus for today’s review holds a memorable spot for an important reason. The Kids Are All Right is the first film I saw to feature a same-sex couple as its central focus. Heck, it’s the first film I saw to star openly gay characters in a non-satirizing setting. Such viewing is a noteworthy marker for me because, well, high school me wasn’t exactly an open-minded guy. To put it bluntly, I was homophobic—wary of openly gay individuals, completely ignorant of LGBT culture, and distinctly against gay marriage and the idea of same-sex couples having/raising children. Let it be overstated that these prejudices have long since dissipated from my mind and replaced with an outlook of open acceptance and embracement towards all regardless of their sexual and/or gender identification (though with all things, I don’t doubt there’s further room for learning and growth).
Nonetheless, the situation still begs the question: how was past homophobic me convinced to see a largely positive, prominently-focus LGBT feature in theaters? Getting me there required some clever thinking on Prerit’s part—simply asking if I wanted to go see a critically acclaimed film without mentioning what it was about. I hadn’t heard nor seen any trailers of the film beforehand, and—in my increasingly growing interest to learn more about cinema—trusted Prerit’s judgment enough to blindly go see the film. Now, why I remained in the theater once the plot became evident is a different story. As with education and film, 2010 was also a transitional stage of open-mindedness for me. As my knowledge of the world grew, so did my willingness to consider other ways of life outside my current comfort zone. The Kids Are All Right’s plot may have caught me completely off guard, but there was enough curiosity about its setting—in addition to my faith in Prerit’s taste in good films—to keep me from leaving the theater. Yet when I finally did exit the theater after the final scene, I left feeling angry and quite upset over what I had seen.
The Kids Are All Right had failed to get its message through my thick skull and left me more frustrated than ever. Since then, I’ve seen The Kids Are All Right two additional times—once back in 2013, and a recent viewing this past week. My opinion towards the film has changed greatly over these eight years. The Kids Are All Right is both an innovative and overall effective film. It contains witty humor, compelling drama, great performances from its lead actors, and succeeds in its quest of portraying a same-sex family in a positive light. Yet while my opinion has largely changed since first viewing the film, there are some issues past me had that present me still stands by. While successful in innovation and quality, The Kids Are All Right stumbles as an educational film towards LGBT culture—going so far as to reinforce some stereotypical beliefs about sexuality.
The Kids Are All Right focuses on a family of four. Jules (Julianne Moore) and Nic (Annette Bening) Allgood are a married same-sex couple who have each given birth to a kid using the same sperm donor. Nic works as a doctor specializing in obstetrics and gynecology, while Jules is a stay-at-home mom who is just beginning her own landscaping business. Their oldest Joni (Mia Wasikowska) is getting ready for college while their younger, moody son Laser (Josh Hutcherson) spends his time hanging with the douchiest kid ever Clay (Eddie Hassell). The film’s plot kicks off when Laser desires to find out who his and Joni’s sperm donor is. With the help of Joni, they discover their donor to be an Organic Foods (did I mention the film takes place in California?) restaurant owner named Paul (Mark Ruffalo) who forms a bond with Joni—and to a lesser extent, Laser—after an initially awkward first meeting. Things get complicated once Jules and Nic discover the meeting, stating there will be no further meetings with Paul until they meet him in person.
The make or break element to The Kids Are All Right is its married couple and their actors’s performances as the characters. If the characters are poorly written, the actors give poor performances and/or lack the necessary chemistry, then the entire feature plus its all-important message—that children with same-sex parents can still effectively grow up in a healthy, loving family—would fall apart. The actors, however, nail said parts, performing so well that the film can throw in some serious strains to their relationship yet maintain their appearance as competent parents. The writers, likewise, go great lengths both prominently and subtly to emphasize how a family with two capable moms is as normal as a family with a capable mom and dad. Jules is shown playing scrabble with Joni and Ping-Pong with Laser. Jules and Nic show concern over Laser’s relationship with his douchey friend, and rightful anger when Joni drives home drunk one night. Jules and Nic are shown going on a double date with another couple (a male-female couple to note), and when their children get bratty, the moms back each other up regardless of their current relationship status.
Nic: I feel like he (Laser) has so much potential and he’s just wasting it.
Jules: Huffs dejectedly. What are ya trying to say?
Nic: Confused. What do you mean what am I trying to say?
Jules: I just, I don’t know, feel like there’s some subtext here.
Nic: Still Confused. What are you talking about?
Jules: You know? Like mother like son. Both of us wandering in the dark, aimless. Wasting our potential.
Nic: Baffled. Honey, you’re on a whole other tangent. I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Jules: Well, maybe it hasn’t risen to the plane of consciousness for you yet.
Nic: Completely baffled. Um, yeah, maybe.
MAJOR SPOILERS BEGIN:
The strains in Jules and Nic’s relationship does lead to some serious consequences, however, which is where Paul comes into the picture. When I first saw The Kids Are All Right, I was genuinely compassionate towards Paul and upset at his closing character arc—believing he didn’t deserve such treatment. Cut to present-day, and my opinion on Paul has become a lot more complex. Character-wise, I still like Paul, though I find pity to be an equally appropriate feeling for him as well. Having the naturally charming Mark Ruffalo play Paul definitely helps makes his character appealing, as well as making it easier to comprehend why Joni, Laser, and Jules are drawn to him despite Paul’s incredibly self-centered personality. When learning over the phone that the kids’s parents are gay, Paul—meaning well yet taken off guard—responds with “Oh right on, right on, yeah cool. I uh, I love lesbians.” Ruffalo is able to hysterically capture the ideal look on Paul’s face as he immediately regrets such poor choice in words.
Paul doesn’t intentionally mean harm, but he’s so full of himself he doesn’t realize the despicableness of his actions. After meeting Joni and Laser, Paul develops an attachment to them that quickly grows into fatherly affection. Paul gets closer to the children and begins sticking his foot where it doesn’t belong—such as giving advice where he shouldn’t and disobeying Nic’s wishes to bond with the teens. I hold a firm belief that family and blood are not the same—just because you come from someone, doesn’t make them automatic family. What makes family are the ones who are/have been there for you, cared for you, and love you indiscriminately. Paul may be their sperm donor, but it’s Jules and Nic who raised, taught, care for and love Joni and Laser up to this point, not him. In Paul's defense, Joni and Laser were the ones to go to Paul and continue their relationship in the first place. I would even argue that while Paul does get a big head, he makes no major missteps until his affair with Jules.
It’s a damn shame too, since without the adultery and trying to interlope his way into the Allgood’s family, Paul could have had a good relationship with them—as evident by the dinner scene at his house where Paul and Nic sing together and everyone is having a fun time. Jules’ reasoning for the affair is made evident: an express desire for passion and appreciation that has been lacking from Nic lately. Paul provides both an “appreciation” for her landscaping skills (though it’s more than likely mere flirtatious flattery with little regard for her actual craftsmanship) and the passion in bed she desires. Add on how Paul’s facial expressions remind Jules of her children and the affair was just a timebomb waiting to happen.
Jules still loves Nic, however, an aspect Paul cannot see—who becomes delusional thinking he’s in love with Jules, that Jules loves him back and will divorce Nic, and that they will live a happy life together with Joni and Laser as their children. Paul wanting a family is an admirable character trait showcasing his desire to grow up, yet by trying to do so through mooching in on another family is two development steps backward. It’s made clear Paul does genuinely care for Jules and Taser, but he’s too blinded by his self-centeredness to realize he’s destroying the very thing they love most. The film leaves the tiniest slitter of vague ambiguity that Paul may stay in touch with Joni in the future, though it’s doubtful. Perhaps if Paul learns to actually grow up and start his own family will he finally be able to mend the rip and form a proper, friendly relationship with Joni and Laser. Going by the film’s conclusion, however, Paul is left a pitiful character who’s yet to fully mature.
The Kids Are All Right isn’t labeled part comedy for nothing, however, as there’s some sharp, entertaining humor here. The comedy ranges from expectable sex humor to sharp, witty setups, to a mixture of both. Examples of the former include a funny sex scene between Nic and Jules where Nic complains the mens’s appearances on the gay porn they’re watching (more on that later), before nearly suffocating Jules under the blankets and accidentally turning the porn’s volume up to the max. The Kids Are All Right loves setting up witty punchlines. When going to initially meet Paul, Laser is excited while Joni is hesitant, yet it’s Joni who grows attached during their encounter—going so far as to try and impress Paul and wanting to see him again—while Laser is less impressed and finds Paul to be full of himself. The film also gets in two hilarious misdirections where it looks as if Jules has chosen not to have sex with Paul, only for the results being the exact opposite. The latter misdirection is especially hilarious as the film plays this emotionally cheesy music to go alongside Jules’ initial decision, only to stop immediately as the scene cuts to the two post-coitus.
I do take issue with the mean-spirited comedy aimed towards the film’s only Latino character Luis (Joaquín Garrido). The film portrays Luis as a genuine, hardworking handyman, yet Jules harshly fires him after suspecting the man is aware of her affair. She even accuses him of having a drug problem when it’s only allergies—asking why he works outdoors if he has allergies (gee, I wonder Jules). Jules does show regret and acknowledges her actions towards Luis as “f@#%ed up”, but such remorse is completely negated when Jules later lies to Nic about Luis having a drug problem. The entire scene is played for laughs yet makes Jules and the writers look like real assholes. It’s intriguing to look back and recall how past me also took issue with how insensitive Jules is to another culture, despite past me doing the exact same thing to Jules and Nic.
The Kids Are All Right is great at balancing said comedy with its dramatic scenes and powerful moments. The latter misdirection joke between Jules and Paul is smoothly followed up by a potent scene of Jules taking a shower. Julianne Moore’s vivid facial expressions during the scene say everything about her character’s thoughts on the affair. There’s an emotional scene, beautifully acted by Moore and Bening where Nic confronts Jules about the affair and Jules tries to lie but can’t stop from getting teary-eyed in response.
Yet it’s time to address the elephant in the room I’ve been vaguely referring to: the confusion. Now, it’s important to emphasize just what The Kids Are All Right meant as a film. It was one of the first mainstream films to not only star and focus on a married same-sex couple, but also positively portray their raising of children. It is a groundbreaking film—a film that paved the way for the 2010s' progressive and rising portrayal of LGBT culture. And with its mainstream status came many viewers like my eighteen-year-old self—ignorant and biased, yet intrigued and curious about other sexualities and their ways of life. It may seem unfair to some, but there was a lot of pressure on The Kids Are All Right to get everything right! To not only succeed in portraying a same-sex family in a realistic yet positive light but also in teaching those unaware of LGBT culture. And, in several ways, The Kids Are All Right fails in such regard. Is it still a very good film? Does it still succeed in portraying a positive same-sex marriage and showcasing the kids under said roof to be, as the title states, all right? The answer is yes to these questions. The film does not, however, succeed at being an educator—leaving those previously in the dark more confused than enlightened.
The first notable example comes less than ten minutes in, where Jules and Nic are having sex while watching the previously mentioned all-guy porno. Younger me was baffled by such display. Why, oh why were two lesbians watching two men having sex!? Now to the film’s credit, it does try and explain the situation through a question posed by Laser—unfortunately, the explanation is difficult to comprehend. The film plays off the scene for comedy—similar to other stories where a child asks their parents about the birds and the bees—with Jules giving an overly convoluted response to Laser’s question. The problem here, however, is the answer here isn’t as common knowledge to the teenage/adult public as the birds and the bees. Now I’ve done some research, and some actual reasons why lesbians may watch gay porn include:
- Traditional girl-on-girl/guy-on-girl porn often features women with too much “plastic surgery” that makes them unattractive.
- Traditional girl-on-girl/guy-on-girl porn often features women in demeaning and/or misogynistic roles.
- Traditional girl-on-girl/guy-on-girl porn is usually made by straight men with straight men in mind.
- Traditional girl-on-girl porn often features two straight women who fail to capture what lesbian sex is truly like.
The latter detail is explained more clearly by Jules to Laser…not so much the other three. While confusing, I can overlook such fault as it’s minor to the overall plot and the writers do try to give some explanation. The next issue, however, is one I cannot overlook, as it’s both poor writing of a major plot element and a damaging message for a certain section of the LGBT community.
“Why, oh why, would a lesbian want to have sex with a man?” This was the ever-so-frustrating thought circling throughout my head after first viewing The Kids Are All Right. Cut to present day and the answer seems so blatantly simple: Jules is most likely bisexual and/or possibly pansexual. Yet younger me didn’t understand bisexuality. For younger me, you either like guys or girls—no in-between. A lot of the world believes such, from children and teenagers to adults. Labels, while understandable, don’t help the matter either as a person who is attracted to both men and women may consider themselves straight or gay depending on personal feelings—which is most likely what is happening in The Kids Are All Right. Jules considers herself gay—directly referring to herself as both a lesbian and gay twice throughout the film—yet that doesn’t mean she can’t find certain men attractive. Most likely, through a combination of the above, a desire for appreciation and passion, and Paul’s striking similarities to her family, Jules ultimately finds Paul a sexually attractive person regardless of his gender.
The decision was a bad call, however, for a forerunning, mainstream LGBT film (more on the L and G, far less on the B). It would have been far wiser and educational to have Jules openly consider and refer to herself as bisexual—maybe have it explained to a less-informed character such as Paul or Laser, thereby also explaining it to possibly confused audience members like my past self. The film’s Wikipedia page even states that the film is about “a married lesbian and bisexual couple”, yet nowhere in the film is the word “bisexual” stated. To make matters even more confusing, after being caught cheating Jules is asked by Nic “Are you straight now?”—again, another great time for Jules to states she’s bisexual instead of the far vaguer answer given. Bisexuality is already an overlooked and/or ignored sexuality in the world—both by gay and straight people alike—and the film’s haziness surrounding Jules’ sexual preferences does nothing to help. It even feels like the film is reinforcing the narrow-minded belief that one can only be gay or straight. The haziness left high school me confused and angry, and is one of the few issues both past and present me still agree on regarding the film (albeit for different reasons).
MAJOR SPOILERS END
Its poor handling of certain topics along with a few other rough patches—such as Paul and Laser’s relationship arc ending abruptly without a final conversation—creates a few dents within The Kids Are All Right. The dents, combined with my narrow-minded perspective, were enough to send past me away in an upset state. Present me, however, can look past such issues to see an overall impressive piece of cinema. The Kids Are All Right effectively balances its wit and potency alongside solid pacing and great editing. While the film fumbles in being an educator, it succeeds in portraying its married same-sex parents in a largely positive light. The film does so while also portraying the moms as flawed humans—avoiding the Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner “making them practically perfect” route while still maintaining their likable status (at least when they’re not being insensitive to Latinos). Julianne Moore and Annette Bening’s excellent performances and effective chemistry certainly help with the likability aspect.
Above all else, the moms are portrayed as loving, responsible parents who have raised two capable teenagers who, while reckless at times, have hearts of gold. The film’s success helped pave the way for additional prominent LGBT content within the upcoming decade (though it may have hindered the B side of things more than helped). While the film left past me confused and angry, it did ultimately help in guiding my views in the right direction. I’ve come a long way from first watching The Kids Are All Right, and while it may not be one of my favorite films of the decade, it certainly holds a special, significant place in my heart.