So, unfortunately, Mr. Reviewer Jr.’s entire Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 review was accidentally—and by no means his doing—translated into Groot speech. As an official Flora colossus to English translator, I’ve been hired to do my best in translating what the review has to say.
Please note, that unlike Mr. Reviewer Jr., I have not seen the film:
I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot.
Ok, for starters, Mr. Reviewer Jr. writes about how he enjoyed Vol. 2 more than the original Guardians of the Galaxy. Something about the sequel being no longer restrained as an introduction story and less predictable.
I am Groot! I am Groot. I am Groot.
He really enjoyed the opening credits. Something about Mr. Blue Sky (is that a character?) being a great choice, was glad they didn’t, once again, open with a somber scene, and thinks baby Groot was both funny and adorable…oh and he also quotes; “Hi Groot!” I don’t know if a character said that, but Mr. Reviewer Jr. thought it was also incredibly cute and sweet.
I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot!
He appreciated that each Guardian got their own subplot and ample screen time, with no one feeling purposeless. Out of all of them, Mr. Reviewer Jr. felt Gamora was the most generic of the group, and wishes to see her fleshed out more than the no nonsense, badass female love interest (which, honestly, sounds pretty cool to me) in future sequels. He then goes on to gush about how adorable baby Groot was.
I am Groot! I am Groot. I am Groot!
It seems that Drax the Destroyer was Mr. Reviewer Jr.’s favorite character in the film—writing how Drax is the film’s highlight (wow, even over this so called adorable baby Groot!? Now that’s interesting) and loves how the character speaks his mind and says stuff that everyone’s thinking, but wouldn’t dare say out loud. He goes on to write how Drax reminds the reviewer of himself, and how they both have a habit of saying inappropriate stuff for, what they believe to be, the appropriate situation.
I am Groot! I am Groot! I am Groot!
Seems here he enthusiastically writes about the comedy and how it’s even better than the first’s. He writes how there were more memorable lines and scenes, how they were witty and/or hilarious, and then goes on to list his favorites, such as:
- The Toe Scene
- Stan Lee Cameo
- Self-Destruct Button
- Duct Tape
- Parody of “Avengers” Circling Pose
- Mary Poppins
- Pac Man
- And Pretty Much Every Drax Scene
I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot.
Then Mr. Reviewer Jr. finishes his review with a beautifully-written, overarching conclusion that tied the whole post together in a masterful display of writing so elegant and powerful, I dare not try to summarize such magnificence for fear it would be equivalent to spitting in the face of God! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go wipe the tears of joy off my face and go see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.